My first experience of Empty nest syndrome........by Rosie Keaney
- Rosie Keaney
- May 24, 2023
- 6 min read
I anticipated that the day would never arrive, that my little girl would always be around, just like the journey from toddlerhood to the teen years it feels like a lifetime when in the midst of it and as much as I loved those years and would go back in a second, they sometimes felt like long days during the chaos of tears and tantrums and sometimes they were my own!
Nowadays having a birds eyes view of parenting is a beautiful realisation of growth and progression, from my own personal experience, the journey is where the magic happens for both the parents and the child.
One of the most important values to me was my duty to always be there for my kids, not unlike Maid Marian in Robin Hood and the Prince of Thieves I would die for them. I loved that I felt needed and felt privileged to be they're role model, but if the truth be told, there are going to be some days we do feel overwhelmed with parenting. We are only human after all.
If I had a time machine I would go back in the blink of an eye, to just sit and watch those years replay before my very own eyes, like watching a series on Netflix wanting to press pause and repeat.
Looking back there were so many happy moments, moments of pure unconditional love and also times of challenges. Sometimes I wish I could go back and undo all those challenging experiences, but without the challenges there would be no growth, challenges enable us to become more resilient, compassionate and empathetic.
We only know what we know in any given moment of time and through lived experiences we learn how to become better decision makers as parents and also a well grounded citizen by showing our children how to be resilient through the ups and downs of life.
When it came to that dreaded day when my daughter was leaving for pastures new to the big city of Newcastle, my head was spinning with all the questions.... Did I do enough? Did I do a good job of raising her? I pleaded with God, my angels anyone willing to listen to give me more time to help her learn how to cook, do laundry, basically keep herself alive..lol
I had an overwhelming sense of panic in that very moment. I needed more time, to show her all the things, even though she had learned so much from my just doing and being. However I was still in full on panic mode, all I was focused on was wanting to turn back the hands of time.
This was a new change to our family household it would mean one less plate on the table, one less bed to be made, one less pair of shoes by the door, jokingly something myself and my husband would visualise as we honestly believed the time would never come, but it came quicker than we could ever imagine.
When the offer for university was accepted, it all began to feel so very real. My daughter started to make plans, it all happened so quickly once the ferry tickets were booked it was almost time to board to cross the Irish Sea.
My heart was full but aching at the same time, here I was sitting with my two adult daughters wondering where the years had gone. I missed those two little girls they grew up so fast. I was now provided with a new opportunity in my life, it was time to celebrate the two beautiful, independent, kind and caring young women I had sitting right before me.
Once we set down in Newcastle it was intense, it was a busy place the streets were crowded with a sea of people as we had arrived on match day. The city life actually excited my two daughters but it put the fear of god into me and to think I was once a city girl.
My daughter had an initiary for the weekend which involved rallying around Ikea and all the department stores like Benny Hill trying to grab anything we could get our hands on, as most parents were doing the same, it wasn't so glamourous, mental note to self order from amazon for future purposes.
The moment of truth had finally arrived and we walked into my daughters new home. I was so impressed with the student accommodation it was like a five star hotel, a gym, communal area, friendly caring staff this was the biggest breathe I had released in a number of days. My daughter had single handled sourced and arranged this all by herself, demonstrating her excellent organisational skills she gets that from me.
There was such an airy feel to her new home, upon entering her new accommodation area I felt a strong feeling of new beginnings and instantly sensed the unease from other parents energy, smiling behind it all. Yet at the same time excitement for their young people which made me feel I was not alone in my feelings.
My senses were heightened once entering her new living space both my daughter and I were welcomed with a sense of familiarity and comfort. It was the most surreal experience it was like we were being guided that all will be ok through the incredible synchronicities showing up through our senses that day a higher power.
One in particular which struck a cord with us both was the familiar smell from my our nursery business in years gone by where we had spent so many happy years. It was a sure sign to me that this was going to be a safe place for my daughter. The nursery had been a place of security and comfort for our entire family and I have always felt in my heart it takes a village to raise a child as my children were raised by exceptional human beings.
When we had unpacked the final items into her new room, she was to spend her first night on her own in her student accommodation. My daughter could not wait. I felt both a sense of relief and panic at the same time. As my younger daughter and I left for our hotel I felt like my left arm was missing, already longing to feel complete again.
When we arrived at our hotel I felt some sense of relief as I am only down the road tonight, not wanting to think what happens when I am back home in Ireland!
The weekend flew in of course and before we knew it, it was time to say goodbye. This was the first time as a family we had this experience of letting her go but equally setting her free, she has her new life now it was her time follow her dreams.
The journey back home again felt heavy it was the feeling of being equivalent to an empty vessel but yet feeling an energy that I just couldn't put my finger on at the time, I was sad but happy for her at the same time.
The weeks soon passed and the heavy feelings started to subside she was doing really well making new friends, enjoyed freshers week and kept in in touch and I truly thanked the technology gods for social media so we can keep in touch.
At that time I really needed to allow myself to explore my feelings in order to be able to deal with the change to our family dynamics. Once I started to acknowledge these feelings and how much I was missing her, I was able to release them and let them go. I started to feel proud and really happy for her to be in the fortunate position to start her new life.
My advice to parents going through this process this year is to spend as much time as you can in the just being, being in the moment, being able to assist them with planning and organising the next steps. Believing in their vision and supporting their dreams. My daughter will always be my little girl but I needed to allow her the freedom to spread her wings and fly 👐 and acknowledge my true feelings in order to set myself free.
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